2 weeks post surgery

It's been two weeks since my surgery on the 14th of September. The first week was a little rough but not as bad as I thought it was going to be.  We were in the hospital Monday and most of Tuesday.  Once home Gordon helped me get comfortable in bed, propping pillows, filling my water constantly, and making sure I had everything that I needed.  The neighbors made sure that we were fed by bringing meals in on a daily basis.  My friends RaShel and Stacy and my beautiful sister-in-law Jen stopped by to visit, I remember most of our conversation but I kept falling asleep on them.  UGH.....I'm so sorry!!

My first Dr's visit was on the one week mark, September 21st. The top drain was able to be removed, leaving the bottom drain in.  Yesterday on the two week mark we went back to have the second drain removed and they were unable to remove it.  My fluids were measuring too high, therefore I need to wait another week.  I was told to really limit the movement of my right arm.  Maybe I was up and trying to do a little too much.  Monica came by several times to visit this week, I really enjoyed having her stop by.

Last friday I met with Dr. Porretta to go over the pathology report and discuss what's the next step.  Radiation will be starting in about 6-8 weeks.  I will be meeting with a new Radiation Oncologist tomorrow to discuss my radiation doses and duration.  Although at first I was really trying to avoid Radiation, I'm actually ready for it.  Anything that will help to ensure that the cancer is completely removed will give me a better peace of mind.

It's been a good and relaxing two weeks so far.  My body has been healing nicely and my family has been so helpful.  Although I am enjoying the down time I'm ready for life to get back to normal.

Shout Out.....

I have been distance during my journey with cancer, distance from family, friends, social media, etc. I must apologize for failing to keep my blog updated during these last few months. This has been one of the hardest things I have gone through.  Not only does Chemo destroy your body, but in a way it breaks the spirit.  Strips you of almost everything your body has.  In the last few months everyone will see the physical signs of Chemo, loss of all hair, loss of appetite, fingernails and toe nails turning black, skin dry, sores etc... But what they don't see is the muscle and joint pain, restless nights, difficulting thinking and putting together thoughts, anxiety for the unknown, fear that if you do beat this beast that it will rear it's ugly head and come back.

Yet here I sit thinking how lucky I am to spend another day with my family and friends.  Days may be hard and I don't know what to expect from it other than it's another memory I get to have.  The last six months have been emotionally and physically hard, yet along this journey I have come to love my medical team and miss seeing them on a weekly visit. My loving husband has stood by my side, he has put up with my distancing myself from him for no unknown reason, endless crying and complaints about my body achys and sleepless nights.  My amazing kids who send loving text messages of support and have stepped up when asked upon for help.  My family in Arizona who calls with words of encouragement and support and I know if I need them they would be here for me at the drop of a hat.  My friends and co-workers (especially Melissa, Diane, Stacy and Monica) who have been so loving and supportive to me. They are truly amazing and make each day just a little brighter and easier.  And to all my loving and distant friends who email me and check in to see if everything is OK and although there is nothing physically they can do just knowing that their thoughts and prayers are with me is enough. Finally to an amazing company ThermoWorks who have given me the time I needed away from work, for raising money to help with some of the expenses along the way and for understanding on the days when all I could do is just sit and cry at my desk because it just hurt to bad to even walk.  My wonderful co-workers who just step up and basically do my physical job so I can do the easier part of the job at my desk.

I know there are others that don't have the kind of support that I have and that is heartbreaking.  This is not only hard physically but its just as emotionally difficult.  Each day is different, it has it's ups and it's downs and you really don't know what it will be until the day gets started.  Some days you feel amazing and some days you feeling like your body is giving up.  The best way to discribe the physically aspect of this is you go from feeling like your 35 years old to 90 years old.  Now I have never been 90 but I would imagine that this is how it would feel. Tired, achy, forgetful, loss of muscle tone, unable to open things with out help, loss of coordination to some degree, unable to form vaulable conversations, etc. But now I am prepared to face my older self and hopefully right now I can learn some lessons to help her out.

GOOD NEWS is that I am more then half way through this process.  My last Chemo treatment was August 6th and I am scheduled for surgery September 14th.  The recovery time for this surgery is 4-6 weeks with one more surgery to follow around December.  Although 2015 started off as a wonderful new beginning with my husband and family, it has thrown it's challenges at us.  I am so grateful that it has brought us closer together instead of the opposite which it could have very easily. I am looking forward to 2016........ It's going to be a GREAT year....

Lisa

Day 21

I am now 21 days into my treatment.  Second round of Chemo was administered on the 9th of April. Seems like we are starting to understand the routine just a little although I know we have a lot to still learn. I was a little apprehensive this go round due solely because I know that the outcome would be the loss of my hair. We met with Dr Prystas prior to the chemo treatment.  She is an inspiration and I absolutely love her team. The reassurnce from them is so wonderful and they even find a way to make us laugh even though at times I want to cry.  Day of treatment went really well and we found ourselves a little more organized then the first visit.  I felt really good  despite the Chemo.  Friday we had to return for the Neulasta shot, this too went better than the last time.  Either it was because I was aware of how much it was going to hurt or the nurse did a better job this time and it didn't hurt as bad. We came home and found some lovely people waiting on our front lawn.  John, Caren and Eloise had come over for a visit.  I sure do love this family, they are so cute together.

Saturday I found myself sleeping most of the day, this gave time for Millie and Gordon to do a little bonding time on the golf course.  It seemed that GOLF was the theme of the weekend with the Master being broadcasted over the TV and with their little outing to the driving range.  Gordon says she has a natural swing.  I can't wait to see how this develops with her starting to love golf.

 

Sunday I was feeling a little bit better and I found myself wanting to do more.  While Gordon and Millie were at church I decided to take a shower and try to feel a little more like myself.  This is when it all happened.  MY HAIR WAS COMING OUT........ IN CLUMPS!!!!!! I didn't panic for I knew this was coming.  I just tried to stop the amount coming out and dry off.  I gently brushed my hair and put what little I had left in a bun.  I called my daughter Ali it see when she was arriving back from her trip to California.  She confirmed that she would be back around 8pm and would head straight over.  I spent the day with Millie and Gordon watching the Master and just relaxing.  Millie and I had conversations about what was happening to my hair.  Although we have had these conversations before it just seemed more real at this moment.

 

About 8:30 Ali showed up and we were ready to clean up the remaining hair that was left.  As tenderly she could Ali shaved my head with Millie doing the clean up of hair.  Gordon was gently touching my foot and Craig stood and took a few pictures of this moment. I couldn't have asked for a more loving enviroment.  Ali gently would kiss the top of my head and her little sister would follow with a gentle kiss to my face.  I am so grateful for the sweetness that was shown to me during this time.  I held up pretty good until Ali left and Millie went to bed.  Gordon came up and gave me a hug and I just started to cry.  I don't know why but I feel like I need to be super stong for my kids.  Ali can see through it and calls me out on it all the time but it's just the way I am.

I am so grateful for a loving family who is being so supportive during this time.  I love you all!!!!!!


Lisa

Beautiful Sunday

What a beautiful Sunday is turning out to be. It began a little shady with the way I was feeling, I'm still trying to cope with the changes that are going on within my body. Each day brings a new change some I am aware of and some I am learning about for the first time. I have enjoyed this weekend although feeling a bit under the weather.  Thanks to Melissa for coming and spending the day with me on Friday.  What a wonderful surprise, I missed seeing you at work.  I'm so happy you took the afternoon off so we could visit. And to my sweet husband, on Saturday I enjoyed shopping at Nordstrom's and going out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants.  Things are starting to taste a little different, so it's harder to spend money on eating out and feeling like I'm wasting food.

Just wanted to share a little part of my relaxing day.  Even though I'm stuck in the house today I still feel very lucky to have such a fantastic family and wonderful views to enjoy while lounging around!!!
 

Chilling with Maddie on the couch

Watching from our deck as my sweetie hits the 10th

Enjoying the waterfall in the front yard.  Thanks sweetie for turning it on!!!

Beautiful view from our back deck.

Lisa
 

Day 1

CHEMO DAY!!!!!

    

Today started off just like any other day, getting ready and kids off to school. With just a few errands to run I set out while Gordon was busy at work. As time passed I started to become a little nervous and found myself continually looking at the clock. I needed a distraction so I started calling my kids and just listened to what they were doing and what was going on in their lives. This really helped to take my mind off of me and onto something else.


I hurried home so Gordon and I could leave for Huntsman for treatment.  We stopped and had lunch prior to going to the hospital. I tried to eat but couldn't put down much. I have to say everyone at Huntsman is so wonderful and kind. We walked in and had no clue as to where to go until a kind young man showed us the way. Once we were seated and waiting for lab work to come back so we could start treatment. The nurse started going over all the information that we needed to know. She was very gentle and reassuring every step of the way. Then it was time to start, I didn't think I would say this but I'm so grateful for my Port, it made everything so much easier. It seemed to go faster then I thought but that's probably because I had great company and Netflix playing in the background. Before we knew it we were done.

Waiting for lab work to come back.

Getting ready for my first round of meds.
 

                         

We are home now and so far so good. Besides being a little tired I, feeling pretty good. We watched a movie with the kids, well they watched a movie I slept.... But Millie told me all about it when it was over. Day 1 was a good day!

                                                   

I sure do love this man!

 

Lisa

 

 

 

AND SO IT BEGINS...

March 19th

Gordon and I left the house early in the morning for surgery at Huntsman.  Today is the day that I would become a card carrying member of a Port.  This new foreign item in my chest will make things easier (So they say). Every day just brings me closer and closer to Chemo Day, which I am dreading.  As the days tick on emotions run a bit more and sleep runs so much less….. Everything seems different, from eating my favorite things wondering if I will like the taste during Chemo. To laying with Millie at night and having her play with my hair as tears roll down my face knowing I will miss feeling that. Fatigue is definitely setting in as well as the fear of the unknown that lies before me.

This brings me to this morning. I have loved and appreciate all the phone calls, emails, texts of support and advice.  I have decided to start this blog as a way to keep everyone updated on this journey I am now force to take.  Please feel free to comment and when I have time and energy I will respond.  

I will be heading in tomorrow for my first round of Chemo, this will continue for the next 20 weeks.

I am so grateful for a loving and supportive husband who has been so wonderful during this whole process. For my wonderful family and friends who have all reached out to me. I know that this will be an easier journey with the support of those around me.  Thank you for all that you have done and will be doing for me and my family.

Lisa

THE RESULTS

FEBRUARY 27th

Around 10:15 am my phone rang, it was the hospital with the results. The voice on the other end was gentle and somewhat somber. I really can’t remember what exactly what was said I just remember hearing the first area tested was benign. "That’s great" I thought, however, the other area tested came back as Invasive Breast Cancer.  “What? Can you please say that again….”  Melissa at work leans over and asks what is going on? I wrote the word “Cancer” on a piece of paper. I couldn't believe what I just heard. The Doctor said “I’m truly sorry it isn't better news.”  “Me too, I understand, thank you for calling.”  I hung up the phone and just sat there stunned for a moment. Melissa stood and just hugged me.  I text my husband who was home eagerly waiting to hear anything good or bad.  All I could say was “I’m too emotional to talk right now but it came back positive for cancer.” He text back “Please come home!” I couldn't move I didn't want to go home, going home would just make me think about it more. Work would be a good distraction besides all of sudden I saw dollar signs flashing before me.  This is going to be expensive…… Great what an inconvenience, I thought. Plus I needed the hours at work.  Around 3 Diane came back and gently put her hand on my back and said. “You need to go home.”  I broke down at that point and couldn't get out fast enough.  What power the human touch is!

I notified everyone that was waiting to hear the results then I headed out the door. The next day Gordon, Maddie, Craig, Millie and I loaded up the car and headed to Disneyland (The happiest place on earth.) for our planned family vacation.  This came as a good distraction and we had a wonderful time as a family.  I remember getting in the car to come home and just staring out the window with tears rolling down my face.  I dreaded coming home to reality. I turned to Gordon and said “I wish we could do this trip all over again.”  He just smiled and said “I know!”

Since coming home it’s been a whirlwind of Doctors appointments.  There were appointments set up for additional mammograms, biopsies, and a MRI and countless pokes with the needle to draw blood.  It seemed that Huntsman is my new home away from home now.  I am coming to love my new Doctors and their compassion and knowledge with me and my current situation.

Findings:

The tumor is 2.5cm with 5 satellite tumor masses. One abnormally enlarged axillary lymph node and consistent with metastatic disease.

I have researched what I can and reached out to those that I know have gone through this same thing.  Everyone along the way has humbled me and encouraged me.  The hardest thing I think I have to endure right now was telling my children and explaining what will be happening for the next year.  I've cried with them, leaned on them and tried to put their minds at ease that this too will pass and we will look back and realize that we can do hard things together! The hardest conversation was with my eldest daughter who had just been through treatment for Thyroid Cancer. She just cried and said “I know what you are going to be going through and I wish so badly that you wouldn't have to go through this. Mom, I wish I could go through it for you instead. I never wanted anyone in our family to have to go through this.”  All my children have been so tender and thoughtful.

Lisa

FROM THE BEGINNING

What……Cancer?  Did I hear that correctly? Can you please repeat what you just said?...

Flash back to December 1, 2014

I was busy getting ready for a wedding in just a few days.  I felt achy and flu like but didn't really think anything thing of it.  Lately I have been feeling this way and just thought it was a combination of nerves, moving and a heavy work schedule. All I could think of was sleep….. The day of our wedding my daughter and her friend came over to help me get ready. I was freezing and achy, again just thinking it was nerves.  It progressively got worse as the evening went on.  After the ceremony all I could think of was where to sit and how fast I could take off my shoes.  My sweet husband was concerned and very attentive but let’s be honest I wasn't that much fun on one of the greatest nights of my life.

As time passed I would have times when I would start to feel normal yet always seemed sluggish and achy.  It seemed like it was always a two week cycle.  In the early part of February I once again felt like the flu was coming on.  It was then that I first felt a lump….. “What is that? Could it be?” I didn't say anything that night about my new discovery. I just laid there in bed and thought it was probably just a cyst and there was nothing to worry about. The next morning I set up a mammogram for the earliest appointment.

The following Thursday I went in and had my mammogram.  They confirmed that it was a mass and that I would be getting a call to have an ultrasound done. Before I got home that evening I received a call that they wanted me to come back in on Tuesday for an ultrasound.  No surprise since they already told me and  I was convinced it was just a cyst.  

Tuesday came and my sweetheart wanted to go with me. I said “Honey, it’s nothing they are just doing a routine ultrasound.  I’m sure everything is OK!” I went in and as they were doing the ultrasound the Tech showed me the mass and showed me an additional area of concern as well as a lymph node that seemed irregular she called for the Radiologist to come to the room. As we were waiting for him to come she starting to explain to me that they were going to be doing a biopsy on two areas.  She also proceeded to tell me what was going to be happening in detail which I was grateful for.  After everything was done I remember walking to my car and thinking “What just happened, what’s going on!” I had a good cry as I drove back to work. Later when I got home I walked into the room with my husband and he looked so worried and concerned as though I had something horrible to tell him. I just told him it’s nothing I’m sure it’s just a cyst and I don’t want the kids to see us looking so down and worried. So until we hear back things will just be back to normal. We put on our best faces and went out to make dinner for the kids. They had no idea as to what was going on.

Lisa