THE RESULTS

FEBRUARY 27th

Around 10:15 am my phone rang, it was the hospital with the results. The voice on the other end was gentle and somewhat somber. I really can’t remember what exactly what was said I just remember hearing the first area tested was benign. "That’s great" I thought, however, the other area tested came back as Invasive Breast Cancer.  “What? Can you please say that again….”  Melissa at work leans over and asks what is going on? I wrote the word “Cancer” on a piece of paper. I couldn't believe what I just heard. The Doctor said “I’m truly sorry it isn't better news.”  “Me too, I understand, thank you for calling.”  I hung up the phone and just sat there stunned for a moment. Melissa stood and just hugged me.  I text my husband who was home eagerly waiting to hear anything good or bad.  All I could say was “I’m too emotional to talk right now but it came back positive for cancer.” He text back “Please come home!” I couldn't move I didn't want to go home, going home would just make me think about it more. Work would be a good distraction besides all of sudden I saw dollar signs flashing before me.  This is going to be expensive…… Great what an inconvenience, I thought. Plus I needed the hours at work.  Around 3 Diane came back and gently put her hand on my back and said. “You need to go home.”  I broke down at that point and couldn't get out fast enough.  What power the human touch is!

I notified everyone that was waiting to hear the results then I headed out the door. The next day Gordon, Maddie, Craig, Millie and I loaded up the car and headed to Disneyland (The happiest place on earth.) for our planned family vacation.  This came as a good distraction and we had a wonderful time as a family.  I remember getting in the car to come home and just staring out the window with tears rolling down my face.  I dreaded coming home to reality. I turned to Gordon and said “I wish we could do this trip all over again.”  He just smiled and said “I know!”

Since coming home it’s been a whirlwind of Doctors appointments.  There were appointments set up for additional mammograms, biopsies, and a MRI and countless pokes with the needle to draw blood.  It seemed that Huntsman is my new home away from home now.  I am coming to love my new Doctors and their compassion and knowledge with me and my current situation.

Findings:

The tumor is 2.5cm with 5 satellite tumor masses. One abnormally enlarged axillary lymph node and consistent with metastatic disease.

I have researched what I can and reached out to those that I know have gone through this same thing.  Everyone along the way has humbled me and encouraged me.  The hardest thing I think I have to endure right now was telling my children and explaining what will be happening for the next year.  I've cried with them, leaned on them and tried to put their minds at ease that this too will pass and we will look back and realize that we can do hard things together! The hardest conversation was with my eldest daughter who had just been through treatment for Thyroid Cancer. She just cried and said “I know what you are going to be going through and I wish so badly that you wouldn't have to go through this. Mom, I wish I could go through it for you instead. I never wanted anyone in our family to have to go through this.”  All my children have been so tender and thoughtful.

Lisa